A. Whitney Brown Quotes
Alan Whitney Brown (born July 8, 1952) is an American writer and comedian best known for work on Saturday Night Live in the 1980s. In addition to writing for the program, he appeared opposite Dennis Miller in a biting satirical Weekend Update commentary segment called "The Big Picture." He won a 1988 Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing in a Variety or Music Program, along with Al Franken, Tom Davis, Phil Hartman, Mike Myers, Lorne Michaels and Conan O'Brien. He was also one of the original correspondents on Comedy Central's The Daily Show from 1996 to 1998
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Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
Harry S. Truman had his moods. His birthplace is the only tourist attraction in America where you don't see Japanese with cameras.
I'm not an atheist. How can you not believe in something that doesn't exist? That's way too convoluted for me.
The very fact that the jaguar can become extinct while the Pekingese survives indicates to me that someone hasn't thought this thing through.
There are a billion people in China. It's not easy to be an individual in a crowd of more than a billion people. Think of it. More than a billion people. That means even if you're a one-in-a-million type of guy, there are still a thousand guys exactly like you.
Plant trees. They give us two of the most crucial elements for our survival: oxygen and books.
Once again decent citizens will be able to enter this house of worship, kneel down in front of a nearly-naked man hanging from a wooden apparatus by a series of gruesome body piercings, and engage in their bizarre practices of ritualized blood-drinking and cannibalism without being assaulted by graphic images of attractive young women with bare breasts.
The Baptists' basic theology is that if you hold someone under water long enough, he'll come around to your way of thinking. It's a ritual known as 'Bobbing for Baptists.'
I never joined, but I used to go to church now and then. I liked it, because they always passed out plates of money at the end.
I think it's time to stop carping on the blunders of the President and give him some credit for creativity. I mean, where do you even FIND a Jewish hard-line conservative Republican pot-smoker? Sounds like an Oprah Winfrey guest.
Any good history book is mainly just a long list of mistakes, complete with names and dates. It's very embarrassing.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer.