David Spade Quotes

David Wayne Spade (born July 22, 1964) is an American actor, stand-up comedian, writer and television personality. He rose to fame in the 1990s as a cast member on Saturday Night Live, then began a successful acting career in both film and television. He also starred and co-starred in the films Tommy Boy, Black Sheep, Joe Dirt, Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser, Grown Ups, and Grown Ups 2, among others.

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David Spade


I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.

David Spade


I want to get away from it all. Move to the sticks. Montana. Hundreds of miles from civilization. Get a cabin in the snow. Curl up with some cute girl. Say stuff to her like, Scream all you want, sugar. Ain't nobody gonna hear you!

David Spade


You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.

David Spade


To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.

David Spade


It's hard for your mom to tell you she has an oral fixation and has to have something in her mouth. My step dad is in the kitchen winking at me. You down with OPP, yeah you know me. Exciting is and a special... What? Easy, and why do you know all the words? That's weird.

David Spade


Single guys get a bad rap.

David Spade


Gossip is a plague that consumes weak, gullible people and blinds them from the truth of reality; it can devour entire city's. I prefer keeping my eyes wide open.

David Spade


No one wants to know I set my alarm and get up 8, but I think it's too weird to sleep in too late.

David Spade


Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, Oh, he's good.

David Spade


How do you lay low but still do your job? Try to stay out there without being out there like Jenny McCarthy?

David Spade


Spent most of the summer looking for shade. Driving around. Shade. Please? Driving in malls. I'll park a mile away I don't care. I'm just looking for a tree branch, anything. Long weed. Big leaf, get the front corner panel under it. Oh precious shade, I have it - you don't!

David Spade


MySpace is a great way to keep in touch with friends who you don't care enough about to actually have a conversation with, why bother calling to say "how are you," when you can just surf their page and post an mpeg of a guy farting on his cat.

David Spade


I feel like I've got this anti-marriage thing, but it's less that and more I'm overthinking it to get it right.

David Spade


My school of thought is, anything goes, but I can't do that anymore.

David Spade


When my stepfather died, I just kind of fell apart. I felt pretty vulnerable, like there literally could be no tomorrow.

David Spade