Fran Lebowitz Quotes

Frances Ann "Fran" Lebowitz (born October 27, 1950) is an American author and public speaker. Lebowitz is known for her sardonic social commentary on American life as filtered through her New York City sensibilities. Some reviewers have called her a modern-day Dorothy Parker.

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Fran Lebowitz


Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.

Fran Lebowitz


As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Fran Lebowitz


Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

Fran Lebowitz


You're only as good as your last haircut.

Fran Lebowitz


Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

Fran Lebowitz


If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

Fran Lebowitz


There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

Fran Lebowitz


I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?

Fran Lebowitz


How do you know if your child is a writer? Your obstetrician holds his stethoscope to your abdomen and only hears excuses.

Fran Lebowitz


Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.

Fran Lebowitz


To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

Fran Lebowitz


Writers have problems writing sex scenes, because writing one really well is pornography.

Fran Lebowitz


I don't like the kind of country living where you have to help. I like country living where there is help.

Fran Lebowitz


I just can't smile at people for money.

Fran Lebowitz


They know you can't get people to stop smoking, so they develop a system of informants. That's the whole idea of second-hand smoke, you know. Make second-hand smoke dangerous and turn everybody against smokers. Then they say you can't even smoke in a bar -- a bar! -- because bartenders have a right to a smoke-free "workspace." Ah, bartenders, those health nuts ...

Fran Lebowitz