Fran Lebowitz Quotes

Frances Ann "Fran" Lebowitz (born October 27, 1950) is an American author and public speaker. Lebowitz is known for her sardonic social commentary on American life as filtered through her New York City sensibilities. Some reviewers have called her a modern-day Dorothy Parker.

Read more about this author on Wikipedia

Fran Lebowitz


“I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.”

Fran Lebowitz


“Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.”

Fran Lebowitz


“Children ask better questions than adults. "May I have a cookie?" "Why is the sky blue?" and "What does a cow say?" are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than "Where's your manuscript?" Why haven't you called?" and "Who's your lawyer?"”

Fran Lebowitz


“Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.”

Fran Lebowitz


“I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.”

Fran Lebowitz


“Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.”

Fran Lebowitz


“Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth.”

Fran Lebowitz


“All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.”

Fran Lebowitz


“Inhabitants of underdeveloped nations and victims of natural disasters are the only people who have ever been happy to see soy beans”

Fran Lebowitz


“Children are rarely in the position to lend one a truly interesting sum of money. There are, however, exceptions, and such children are an excellent addition to any party.”

Fran Lebowitz


“Notoriously insensitive to subtle shifts in moods, children will persist in discussing the color of a recently sighted cement mixer long after one's interest in the topic has waned”

Fran Lebowitz


“Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic usage of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a lesbian.”

Fran Lebowitz


“Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic usage of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a lesbian.”

Fran Lebowitz


“The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.”

Fran Lebowitz


“There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.”

Fran Lebowitz