Gary Gulman Quotes

Gary Lewis Gulman (born July 17, 1970) is a stand-up comedian. He was a finalist on the NBC reality-talent show Last Comic Standing (seasons 2 and 3). In season 2, he finished in third place behind John Heffron and Alonzo Bodden. In 2005, he released his first CD, Conversations With Inanimate Objects.

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Gary Gulman


Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.

Gary Gulman


It was early on when I was really focused and obsessed with doing The Tonight Show and Letterman and stuff like that. Then, I quickly realized that those things don't make or break a career.

Gary Gulman


What I need is an Urban Thesaurus. I know what money is what I need is 600 different ways to say it.

Gary Gulman


Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.

Gary Gulman


I've always wanted to do more significant stuff. I think of myself as well-informed, but the hardest thing to do is talk about politics and current events and be funny and not just preachy.

Gary Gulman


There's a kiss at the end of the rainbow more precious than a pot of gold.

Gary Gulman


Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

Gary Gulman


I really shine in front of prominently Jewish crowds. Normally I really beat myself up, but as far as Jewish audiences go, I'm at the top of my game.

Gary Gulman


The other thing is that I'm a pretty moody guy, but no one really wants to see a normal-looking guy complain about things or talk about being unhappy. That's hard. Most people are like, 'Well, you have all your hair and you're tall, so why are you unhappy?' That can be limiting.

Gary Gulman


No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

Gary Gulman


When you're gay every party is a bad sweater party.

Gary Gulman


As a child I most closely identified with Charlie Browns teacher. Nobody listened.

Gary Gulman


Would it be ironic if we had to go back to Iraq to rid it of the Al Quaeda that wasn't there before we got there to rid it of Al Queda?

Gary Gulman


I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail. I wouldn't want to be the tea party's go-to comedian.

Gary Gulman


Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

Gary Gulman