I bowl with cannonballs, because this is war, 1863 style. I could probably bowl a perfect 300 game u ...
View quoteI call my thumb Napoleon, because I rarely ever lose a thumb war. Also because my thumb's so small, ...
View quoteWe made love like we made grilled cheese sandwiches. Did the sandwiches cause us to have sex? Did on ...
View quoteI love advertising, because I love self-promotion. I love mirror time, which is Me Time.
View quoteWhen tragedy befalls me and someone says, Better you than me, I always reply, Yes, I am better than ...
View quoteYesterday was my last day at work. My coworkers were so sad they all pitched in and bought me a one- ...
View quoteI tell people, "Yeah, I went to Harvard University." What I don't tell them is I was only there for ...
View quoteMy kitchen sink has no truck attached. My love needs a waterproof suitcase in these Days of Desert a ...
View quoteJacksonville is home to the most romantic man in the known universe. And it will be for some time, u ...
View quoteI fight with the strength of many lion meows. I love even more ferociously.
View quoteDream headline from Orafouraville Times: Man Let Go By Employer, Falls To Death
View quoteI was hot so I gave myself a haircut. I then saw a bald man sweating, so I offered to tweeze his eye ...
View quoteMy internal voice raised its decibel level. Sam O. Same
View quoteOnce the bar gets set too high, simply lower it so you can keep on hitting your goals. You could get ...
View quoteOne of my main regrets in life is giving considerable thought to inconsiderate people.
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