Paul Neilan

I hate bananas. I just hate them. But I also think a banana suit is the funniest fruit costume a per ...

The world is your oyster... ...too bad you're allergic to shellfish.

If Tolstoy were alive today and working at Panopticon Insurance, he'd say that all insurance compani ...

Cowardice, when done correctly, can be its own kind of bravery.

It's like someone who prays every night saying God's a good listener. Just because you're talking to ...

Mockery when done without prejudice or discretion, can be a form of respect. It's the closest we'll ...

Lying to other people is fine and usually funny, but lying to yourself is tacky.

It was nice of her to want to believe the best about me. People tend to do that with the strangers t ...

If stealing a few saltshakers was wrong I didn't want to be right.

And when they start talking, and they always do, you find that each of them has a story they want to ...

Anybody can make something up and have it sound believable. The hard part is remembering all the lie ...

at first I thought you were just using me" she said "I definitely am." I just wasn't sure for what. ...

But really it's condescending and patronizing not to make fun of someone because they're old or stup ...

In the long term everyone traffics in foregone conclusions, and in the short term they just get drun ...

There comes a time in every man's life when he wakes up drunk on the toilet and begins to doubt the ...