Primo Quotes

Phyllis Diller

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

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I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

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What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

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The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.

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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.

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Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

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Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

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To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always retur ...

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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.

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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their ...

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