Primo Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know ...

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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody ...

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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.

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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that s ...

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“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't m ...

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I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

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In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out o ...

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Man, who don't like spaghetti?

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My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we ...

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