Primo Quotes

Steven Wright

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

View quote

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

View quote

What's another word for Thesaurus?

View quote

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

View quote

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Ren ...

View quote

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

View quote

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

View quote

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few m ...

View quote

I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idi ...

View quote

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

View quote

In a lot of ways, success is much harder than I thought it would be. I figured that you'd get here a ...

View quote

My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she loves. ...

View quote

I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination; I'm very grateful for that. I like that what ...

View quote

I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I jus ...

View quote

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

View quote