“It's funny, because if Tom Petty or R.E.M. came out today, they'd be alt-country,”

As soon as you say it about a record, you're like some little zombie in a funny dungeon.

Funny, how just when you think life can't possibly get any worse it suddenly does.

“So many people never find the one, because they are too lazy to work hard on something that was m ...

“How tall are you big boy?Six foot nine inches!Let's go up to my place and talk about the nine inc ...

“A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.”

It s funny to see a hatchling like you beaten by the old one.

If my life wasn't funny it would just be true, and that is unacceptable.

Comedy is a very personal thing, and some people will find it funny, some people wont.

What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.

“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.”

“High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.”

“I don't want to hunt deer I just want to wait in a tree stand and jump out in front of them when ...

“My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will, never, never surrender to wh ...

It might be funny when you get hit by a car, but not when you get run over by one.

“How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric ...

“I think it's funny. [on a T-shirt which read 'I”

“Being Normal is over rated”

Books shouldn't be daunting, they should be funny, exciting and wonderful.

“Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission”

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.