“Baseball's funny like that. Don't ask me how something like that happens.”

Comedy is not funny. Comedy is hard work and timing and lots and lots of rehearsals.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

“I also think it's ridiculous that women that supposedly have high standards date some of the grim ...

“A TRUE HERO IS ONE WHO CAN SEE THROUGH FEAR AND CAN OVER COME ANY CHALLENGE WITH FAITH”

I reach for funny books all the time to help me get through life.

“My Glass is not half empty, my Glass is not half full, my Glass is Cracked!”

I'm really funny now.

I wanted to be that quirky girl who writes funny songs that still have meaning.

“Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip.”

“A careful driver is one who honks his horn when he goes through a red light.”

“I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey”

“Humor has historically been tied to the mores of the day. The Yellow Kid was predicated on what p ...

“A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forwar ...

“I am a lover and have not found my thing to love”

I think a lot of times on TV we see caricatures - that's what's funny.

I was the class clown at school, but at home, my family wasn't very funny.

“Cannibalistic Chicken Whistles”

I'm not a naturally funny man. I find that I can only be funny, if I become someone else.

“Funny... most people prefer to struggle to survive -- instead of having FUN to thrive.”

Never have more children than you have car windows.