“It's sad and upsetting when you see somebody crying hysterically, but at the same time it's real ...

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go”

“Why are you angry? Are you sure, you are not hungry?”

?There's more old Drunkards than old Doctors?

“Optimism is the greatest thing in the world!”

“The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he ...

“Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or a st ...

“The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. O ...

He [ Campbell Scott ] is also a really funny guy which not a lot of people know.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

“You want an example (of how things have changed since the 81). 'Kobe, you suck … score 100.' It ...

“In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.”

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she ...

“The pessimist thinks that, the Apple would sue an apple we eat for having the same name; while op ...

I changed the face of comedy. I used to be funny.

“How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric ...

“I saw a cat yesterday with 4 legs and yet it was only a yellow cat, and rather small, too, for it ...

A dimwit thinks nothing is funny unless it's mean.

“Funny is an attitude.”

“The Marines I have seen around the world have the cleanest bodies, the filthiest minds, the highe ...