“I'm not melancholy; I'm a happy-go-lucky person, kind of silly. I like funny things. I have a lot ...

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

“Judo is like a ballet, except there's no music,and the dancers knock each other down."”

“My mother was nuts. She was very funny. We got our sense of humor from her. My father had no sens ...

I appreciate humor so much, but I'm actually not a funny girl.

“You watch the screen and follow the dance steps. It's funny to watch. Kids are sweating and out o ...

“I have been devaluing my time for years based on the theory that one day I won't be able to affor ...

You can only be funny if you have matters of great importance on your mind.

...

...

Fame is a funny thing, like a secret, both are hard to keep.

“There is a theory which states that if ever for any reason anyone discovers what exactly the Univ ...

[Al] Franken is left-wing and funny. He's a pretty good political humorist.

Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover ...

“At times it seems so much easier to pretend nothing is wrong rather than deal with it. It's like ...

I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.

I'm not too keen on jokes that are one-liners. I want the situation to be funny.

“It's funny when someone says to you 'you're hot' and all that, because I don't think of it in tha ...

“In love, somehow, a man's heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in ...

“You can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right; but s ...

“A real friend will never abandon you, even if you're embarrassing them to death.”