“Adopted kids are such a pain - you have to teach them how to look like you”

“It is very difficult to ignore something that is right under your nose because every time you loo ...

I'm not going to be remotely funny.

I love kids; I think they are fun and funny.

“You aim for the palace and get drowned in the sewer”

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.

I got the wake-up call that no one is policing our oceans. I wondered, how can I do anything? What r ...

“A spare tyre is something that you don't check until you have a punctured one.”

The bigotry of the nonbeliever is for me nearly as funny as the bigotry of the believer.

“It's funny how social activists usually protest against the only things that have a credible chan ...

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid o ...

“I was trying to be magician and ended up......... well, trying to be a magician”

It's funny how the closer you get to God, the more you realize how far you are from Him.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

“When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes. When you sit on a hot sto ...

“A good meal is like a good masseur; dessert ... just the happy ending. -Morien Wyn jones”

“In order to fly, all one must do is simply miss the ground.”

“Never trust the meaning of fairy tales.”

“We all thought it was very funny and very well done. (But) Jim has no intention of leaving cartoo ...

“Many a man in love with a dimple makes a mistake of marrying the whole girl”

It's a funny old world.